you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
