if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
