bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
