You can't special order awesome
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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