there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
