Even the bartender felt bad for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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