so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
