ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
