ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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