Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
