I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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