3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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