She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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