I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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