I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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