If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
