During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
