id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
