Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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