I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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