carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
