life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
