Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
