get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
