im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
