I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
