bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize