I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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