turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
