I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
