there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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