Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
