I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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