A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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