sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
