so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
