How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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