Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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