My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
