mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
