Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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