i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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