right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
