I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
