my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
