Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
