goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
