It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
