He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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