i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
