i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
