Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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