wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
