Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
