I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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