Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
