I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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