and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
