who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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