You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
