If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
