Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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