Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
