I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
