so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
