I puked a lego.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
