my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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