I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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