I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
